Anastasia (beaconeer) wrote in bpsos,

Feeling lost

Do you ever just feel...lost? Not sure why you feel the way you do or do the things you do, dissociated, but also on the edge of a deep, black pit that you are scared of falling in. You have difficulty staying focused, and when you get frustrated at the poor amount of productivity you've accomplished in the day (routines are nearly impossible) you feel like everything's going to hell in a handbasket. Do you find it strange that the people around you have no idea of how you feel from the way you act, react, or how you might interpret their actions and reactions? Sometimes when you tell them, they give you a lot of sympathy as though you are really depressed, but I dont feel especially depressed, yet. It could change without warning. Its really hard to relate to others at that point, because they just don't understand where you are coming from.

I've been on Zoloft for a couple of years now. Should it help more with this?
I'm not on any other psych meds. I have an appointment for a therapist on the 11th, at my insistance. My PCP is skeptical because I don't go on spending or drinking binges, even though I can't seem to complete a degree at college or keep a routine or keep up lasting relationships because I have times when Im depressed and times when I make all kinds of plans that I never seem to focus on long enough to put into practice. It was hell to convince her to let me have a referral, that this is really interfering with my life. I want to move forward, and the best way is to be completely honest and ask for help where I need it. I'm so tired of trying to do it all on my own and falling flat on my face. I want to get to a psychiatrist for an evaluation, just to get to know what it is and what can help. They won't let me see a psychiatrist until I've seen a therapist. My PCP is trying to convince them to have the therapist see me for a while before a psychiatrist. I figure I can let her say all she wants but it will be in the specialist's hands where it belongs. I've been in therapy. In fact, it was my last therapist who suggested I might be bipolar. So they gave me Zoloft and thats that.

How do you know when a med is really helping? I know for the most part I haven't gotten as terribly depressed as I used to, I can talk myself away from it. They say thats what Zoloft does...any input on this?
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